The Satirical Sporting Week

Football

Joey Barton has set the ball rolling with the proposal of suing in football. He has suggested the referee could now be sued by clubs and players over their decisions following his sending off against Norwich. It is believed this could escalate with players able to sue clubs for not picking them or indeed fans can now sue players for playing poorly or misbehaving, a movement that is sure to leave Mr Barton well out of pocket.

Liverpool have released a new line of t-shirts that support a whole load of criminal offences. The club’s official statement said “Given the success of the recent ‘Support Luiz Suarez’ T-Shirts, we have decided to produce a whole load more that will support those who have done wrong in order to get a whole load of wonga. We are currently producing ones that have slogans pronouncing gun crime, homophobic behaviour and sexism.”

Following a successful Christmas period, Blackburn supporters held a tribute concert for Steve Kean at Ewood Park. Fans gathered at the stadium and sung long into the night after their victory over Manchester United, whilst the club prepared to unveil a statue of the much-loved Glaswegian. One anonymous fan said “We were wrong to harangue our manager for such a long period of time. Everyone has now realized what a great job he is doing and we apologise for being so fickle.”

Excitement levels around Chelsea and Liverpool have been raised as the two clubs enter the January transfer window. Supporters are waiting to see where the big money will be splashed this time round. One Chelsea fan said “I can’t wait for deadline day. We really need to strengthen the side and we always make cracking signings on deadline day! Fernando Torres was a snip at £50million.” Liverpool fans were in similar high spirits when remembering the £35million they splashed out for Andy Carroll. One said “It’s always good to see young British talent brought to the club and I’d like to see us smash the British transfer record again.” Rumours Liverpool are looking at paying £40 million for Grant Holt because he is English, has scored many than 5 goals in the Premier League and is also a lump of a targetman are as yet unconfirmed.

Wayne Rooney was banned from the Manchester United side facing Blackburn after he fell foul of Sir Alex Ferguson’s strict regime. He was caught having a meal out with fellow United players Darren Gibson and Jonny Evans who were apparently out celebrating the fact not one of them will be going to Euro 2012…

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