The A-Z of Footballers You Will Never Have Heard Of.

We all know the big names in football, the Messis, the Ronaldos, the Beckhams and the Shaabans. Wait a minute, sorry who? Rami Shaaban, the former Arsenal goalkeeper? Never heard of him? Well don’t worry because here is an A-Z of footballers you never even knew existed until now. Serious tekkers if you did though. (Note: To qualify for a Randomness Rating, said player must have appeared for the club.)

A – Arphexad, Pegguy – Won 6 major honours by sitting on Liverpool’s and Leicester’s substitute’s bench. 9 different clubs, 40 appearances. Randomness Rating: 4/10

B – Bischoff, Amaury – Signed by Wenger as a talented youngster in the mould of Fabregas etc, but ended up making just a single appearance. Shows Wenger doesn’t always get it right. Randomness Rating: 7/10

C – Cordone, Daniel – £500k he cost Newcastle, but in the end just became one of  many useless strikers signed to partner Alan Shearer. Shame they didn’t play 4-5-1 back then. Randomness Rating: 6/10

D – Donk, Ryan – Shockingly badly West Brom defender. Whatever you do, don’t put a donk on it when it involves Ryan. Randomness Rating: 7/10

E – Espinoza, Geovanny – Signed for Birmingham in 2009, made 2 League Cup appearances, then had his contract cancelled by mutual consent. Hapless. Randomness Rating: 8/10

F – Fumica – Another entry for Newcastle United, who pulled this Brazilian out of the bag after seeing rivals Middlesbrough’s Samba Star. Juninho he was not. Randomness Rating: 9/10

G – Gekas, Theofanis – For a man who smashes them in for Greece at international level, he disappointed somewhat when on loan at Portsmouth. One solitary appearance to his name. Randomness Rating: 6/10

H – Hay, Danny – Nobody thinks of New Zealanders as good footballers, but Leeds took a punt on centre-back Danny Hay. He played four times…Randomness Rating: 6/10

I – Inamoto, Junichi – A hero in Japan, a nobody in England. Less-than average stays at Arsenal, Fulham and West Brom. Randomness Rating 4/10

J – Jardel, Mario – Smashed in goals galore all over Europe, so when he joined Bolton in 2003, it appeared Big Sam had pulled out a massive coup. Left after just 7 appearances due to homesickness. Randomness Rating: 2/10

K – Katan, Yaniv – When a striker can’t beat Marlon Harewood for a first team spot, you know they’re just plain shit. Six extremely forgettable appearances in 2006 for West Ham before being shipped back into the wilderness. Randomness Rating: 10/10

L – Laslandes, Lilian – 7 caps for France, 3 goals. 12 appearances for Sunderland, 0 goals. Terrific French striker. Randomness Rating: 4/10

M – Manucho – Fergie doesn’t get many wrong but not sure this Angolan striker was ever going to worry his Premier League rivals. Couldn’t even make the Hull team whilst on loan there. Randomness Rating: 2/10

N – Negouai, Christian – Remember the days when Manchester City couldn’t afford to buy everyone on the planet? Well this is what they ended up with. 6 appearances in 4 years. Randomness Rating: 9/10

O – Olisadebe, Emmanuel – The Nigerian-born Polish striker who discovered he had a heart defunct and could no longer play. Portsmouth still gave him 2 appearances in 2005/06 though. Randomness Rating: 5/10

P – Prica, Rade – A Roy Keane move this one, essentially proving why Keane is so well renowned for wasting his chairman’s money. He has won three different Scandinavian Championships though. Randomness Rating: 7/10

Q – Quaresma, Ricardo – The other Portuguese wizard of the dribble has played for top clubs all over Europe. But he was anonymous when on loan at Chelsea. Randomness Rating: 1/10

R – Rankin, Isaiah – Bradford City paid £1.3million for him to spearhead their Premiership strikeforce. Probably why they’re languishing around at the bottom of League 2 then. Randomness Rating: 8/10

S – Sava, Facundo – ‘The ma with the mask’ produced a famous Zorro celebration every time he scored. Unfortunately for Fulham fans, that just wasn’t enough. Randomness Rating: 6/10

T – Toda, Kazuyuki – Spurs went all Japanese for a season in an attempt to corner the Asian market for merchandising. No Park Ji-Sung though. Randomness Rating: 8/10

U – Unsal, Hakan – Blackburn must have thought buying a Turkish defender who reached the World Cup semi-final would tighten their defence up considerably. It didn’t. Randomness Rating: 4/10

V – Vaz Te, Ricardo – 7 years at Bolton, just 58 appearances. The Portuguese striker was signed a wonderkid, but left as nobody. Did score for Barnsley last week though. Randomness Rating 5/10

W – Wapennaar, Harold – It’s no wonder Portsmouth are in dire financial straits given how many random signings they made during their stay in the Premiership. This Dutch goalkeeper made just 5 appearances. Randomness Rating: 8/10

X – Xisco – Another Newcastle blunder, they should stay well away from buying foreign stars. And this one cost £6million. Randomness Rating: 6/10

Y – Yordi – A journeyman Spanish striker was never going to fit the bill in the Premiership. Shipped in and shipped out. Randomness Rating: 7/10

Z – Zuniga, Ysrael – The second best Peruvian to play in the Premiership behind Nolberto Solano turned out for Coventry City. However, only 2 Peruvians have ever played in this division. Randomness Rating: 9/10

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