Footballing Movember

It’s Movember. Everyone across the country are sporting their moustaches for charity, raising decent amounts of money in the process. Or it gives them a good excuse to be lazy and not to shave for a month. However these ten have no excuse for sporting some of the more interesting styles of facial hair in football.

  1. Trifon Ivanov – Any man who is nicknamed the ‘Bulgarian Wolf’ is bound to gain entry to a list for beards and the defender who won 77 caps for his country is one terrifying looking man. A mullet as long as his beard ensured that strikers went nowhere near Ivanov as he helped Bulgaria to a World Cup semi-final in 1994. You certainly wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark night.
  1. Abel Xavier – The Portuguese defender was well-known in England for his spells for Merseyside rivals Everton and Liverpool, not to mention his shockingly dyed blonde hairstyles. People often forget his beard was dyed the same colour, completing one of the worst fashion statements ever seen in the Premier League.
  1. Alexi Lalas – It’s a shame the man credited for bringing David Beckham to America didn’t ask old Goldenballs for fashion tips at the same time, given that for most his career, he wore a long ginger beard that Gimli would have been proud of. He may be one of the USA’s greatest ever players, but most people will remember him for looking rather like a Scandinavian lumberjack.
  1. Peter Disztl – If you thought Trifon Ivanov was scary, then think again. Parents are unlikely to let their children out at night if they thought this former Hungarian goalkeeper was on the loose. The word dishevelled doesn’t even come close to describing Disztl’s appearance. His mug shot looks more like a cutting from America’s most wanted.
  1. Rudi Voller – If the perm wasn’t bad enough, Germany’s legendary striker also displayed a moustache that the Village People would have been proud of. His decorated top lip looked rather like he’d taken a tumble in Allied Carpets when his face was covered in glue but fortunately for him, all the Krauts looked like that in the 80’s.
  1. Graeme Souness – Terrible manager, terrible moustache. With no design or style to his whiskers, all he had to do was don a baseball cap and dirty denim jacket and he’d fit right in as an American truck driver. I think what Graeme wore above his top lip is now called a ‘psycho tache.’
  1. Joey Barton – Back at the start of the 2010 season, the rather unpleasant Mr Barton took on a rather unpleasant appearance, growing his moustache until the Magpies won a game. Unfortunately he also decided to comb over his hair, looking remarkably like a certain 1930’s dictator. All that was needed was a goosestep and a straight-armed salute.
  1. Socrates – The Brazilian wizard and the King of the beard. Possibly the best facial hair ever seen on a football field, Socrates has the lot. With sideburns, a moustache and a neatly trimmed chin strap to boot, this is a man who definitely looks better with the fuzz than without.
  1. David Seaman – Although England’s legendary goalkeeper is better known for his ponytail, he always kept a thin line of fur above his lip as well. Personally I just liked the way he stroked it whenever he saved a penalty. Nice and casual Dave. 
  1. Theo Walcott – Yes Theo, we are all aware you are no longer a teenage prodigy. Yes Theo, we are fully aware you’ve finally entered puberty. No need to try to prove it to us with your wispy little moustache. The worst growth in the Premier League, almost as disappointing as one of his crosses. Sort it out son.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s